Island Girl

         I looked up the definition of what an island girl was and this is what it said. "A girl who wears name brand clothes, buys 1000 dollar purses, and is called an island girl, because she has no idea what's going on in the world, because she's off on her own (mental) little island, and only cares about herself and her friends and her car." That's obviously not what I am nor consider myself. I'm fairly broke at this point and I could give 2 shits about my car. My definition of an island girl is someone who spends a good chunk of their time at the island and always makes time to go to the island.

       I consider myself an island girl, I was baptized on the island, born and raised on the island, and I go to the island whenever I can. Most of my family on my mother's side live on the island, it's kind of a struggle though because all of the cute guys down there are either your cousin or they're only there for the summer. I spent the first 3 years of my life on Great Cranberry Island, in Northeast Harbor, and the only way to get there is obviously by boat, it's a 20 minute trip. 20 minutes goes by pretty fast, especially now, because everyone asks how I am, and what my plans are after school. And the view, oh my that view on a summer day is like seeing the couch after a long day at school. I love seeing the dock when we pull up, I love the buoys that the lobster men leave, and the best sight of all is seeing my grandmother waiting to pick me up in her jeep with her 2 little dogs.  

      Whenever I go to the island me grandmother and I always watch CSI and NCIS reruns and we always play Sorry and Yahtzee. We also make time to go next door and hang out with my great grandmother, going up there is a little different because she makes me rub her feet with this really strong cream. Yummy. Recently my Uncle Kenneth moved down there and he is so much fun to hang out with, all we do is play video games and talk about stupid stuff and play with his blind cat, Cornilious the 3rd. He is my best friend and that is something I will always stand by. Some kids hate being around their relatives, but I'd rather hang out with my grandmother and my great grandmother than hang out with my friends. When I'm down on the island it's like it's just me and the waves, and all of my troubles get washed away.

Dad Gone Missing

      Everyone thinks that the father figure in my life is my real dad, but he's not. Everyone thinks that Alyssa is my full sister, but she's not, she's my half sister. My mom left my real dad when I was almost 2 years old, it was for the best.

      My real dad was a cheater, an asshole, and an abuser, he called my mother and I awful names. I don't know what kind of monster could call an infant such horrible things. In the beginning of their relationship all was well, from what my mom tells me they were happy. Then they found out that my mom was pregnant and things started to change, he started to drift away from mum, and he started saying that mum cheated on him and that I wasn't actually his child. After I was born they were happy for a couple of months, then he started to cheat on my mom. When she confronted him, he tried to say that she was the one cheating on him. My uncle recently told me that when they were still together that he saw him with an 18 year old girl at the gas station. My uncle walked up to him and told him to get out of town. So he left, but before he did he said that he never wanted to see me, even when I got older.

                                                       

       Someday, when I get older I wouldn't mind seeing him just once, so I could thank him for leaving and not being a part of my life. If my mom hadn't left him then I wouldn't be the funny, outgoing person that I am today. Thanks asshole, have a nice day.                                                                                                                                

Strength in Softball

       Softball has always been something that I'm good at, something that I've always look forward to in the school year. I play in the outfield, I don't have a set position out there, and coach usually just puts me were ever she feels like it for that game. Playing softball is the best thing ever, it makes me feel so great to play on a team, and winning is even better. Not trying to be cocky or anything, but I consider myself to be a softball professional. I may not be the fastest runner, or hit the farthest, but I throw a mean ball. 
           
       This year is my last year playing softball, and I'm really sad, because I love it so much. I don't know what I'll do after this year, maybe I'll just stay back so I can keep playing. Every year I'm on J.V, and I am completely fine with that, because I know that I have more playing time, and we have a lot more fun. On varsity all of their practices are so serious, which I understand because they have states and stuff. But J.V doesn't so that's why our practices are more relaxed, and more of my friends are on J.V so that's a plus. When your a senior the varsity coach will ask you if you want to be on varsity, and I don't know what I'll do when he ask's me. I want to be on varsity, and get the chance to got to states, but on the other hand I don't think that I will get much playing time, because they're a lot of great girls on varsity that I know are better than me. Hence the reason they are on varsity and I'm on J.V. I think I'll just be on J.V because I know that I'll get more playing time, and since it's my last year, that's all I really want. Just to play softball.

                         

Kitten Farm Terror

          Please do not laugh, please do not judge because this dream scares the shit out of me. Lately I've been having this dream over and over again, and I don't get any sleep. I wake up scared and full of anxiety.

          I start out running away from the police with three guys, I don't know who they are or why we are being chased by the police, I just know that  I have to get away from them. We are running down this long windy road, on both sides of the road they're really nice houses, each one better than the last. We run through the houses and from what I can remember, all of the houses have a lot of kittens in them. I know I'm weird. So we are running and running and finally we get to the end of the road and at the top if this very steep muddy hill is an old mansion. That looks to be abandoned, outside they're old Christmas decorations that are broken and gross. In one of the windows in a Frankenstein looking guy who is playing an organ. Then I hear a man talking, he has a German accent and I can never see him. No matter how hard I try I can never seem to find him.

          The man is telling us to come inside for the Christmas party and that if we don't hurry we will miss all of the fun. One of the guys starts to walk towards the house and we try and get him to run away, but he won't listen. It's like he is in a trance. For some reason the other guy and I know not to go in there because we know what happens when you go inside. You never come out.  He walks into the house and we start to run away, I'm trying to run away but I can't I'm stuck in the mud and I hear the man screaming and yelling for is to come inside and help him. Part of me wants to, but I keep running, trying to get out. The other guy runs away with ease, leaving me behind for the mud to consume me. It's dark, I wake up.


                                             

Stressin Over Seniority

I always thought that being a Senior would be fun and exiting and I would feel the need to brake all the rule, so far the only broken thing this year is my car, Phillis. Don't get me wrong I love Senior year, it's bee my favorite part of high school, but latley I have just wanted to graduate and move on to college and forget the people in this school. Senior year is by far the most stressful, thankfully I handle stress very well, it's stressful because you have college to think about, it's your last year to do amazing activities like, homecoming, prom, hallway decorating, and even your last first day of school. That really hit me espectially now that  I am almost graduated. I get bombarded with questions like what are your plans after school and where are you going and what for? Oh my god, sometimes I want to scream, rip my hair out, and tackle my interrogators. At this point I am over it, hahaha. Now that I have been accepted into EMCC for Early Childhood Education, my mom wants me to start saving money and buy things for college, and fining venues for my graduation party. I know that  I am supposed to take on all this responsibility and to grow up, but sometimes I wish they would slow down and take the time to ask me, just once, how I felt about it, instead of pushing me to get all of these things done. I'm poor, I'll admit it, I've never had much money, so I'm used to working even though I really don't want to. So I have to work, not a lot but enough so I don't get to hangout with my friend or my boyfriend all the time. Sometimes it's not just me, sometimes they're working or I have homework to do so I can graduate and get the hell outta dodge. In the end it all comes back to being a Senior, and how you have to do this and you can't do this. I also procrastinate like a mother effer and I honestly have no idea on how I have made it this far. Dumb luck I suppose.

I Had a Dream

I don't have many strange dreams, but usually when I do they are pretty crazy. Chloe and I aren't close, but i have been over to her house once or twice. My dream starts off and with me heading over to her home for a sleepover. I pull into the driveway and park my car. I walk into the house and immediately I get yelled at by her father. Apparently I wasn't allowed to walk into the house with my shoes on. Which I can understand, I wouldn't want mud in my house either. But then her dad told me to take care of the trash, and clean the house. What.The.Hell. I tried to get out of the house but they wouldn't let me leave. I just kept cleaning and cleaning, I just wanted to leave. For some reason her dad was just being really mean to me, and I was nice guest. Trapped in a place that you don't want to be in. It's horrible.
Whenever I share my dreams with my friends they tell me how weird I am, and that I should go see someone. I don't blame them, if I had to listen to the dreams I had, I would be freaked out too. I probably would take them to the looney bin myself. Whenever I tell my mom about my freaky dreams she just laughs at me. Probably not the best parenting approach but who can blame her, especially when your child tells you about her friend locking her in her house while her dad yells at her. Now I know how Cinderella felt.